Touchy Touchy Touchy

This is a random outburst which is probably more due on the pressure of my new post than anything. I have calmed down long enough to re-think the situation over and now, the girl mentioned in the story is my friend again and definitely one of the few people I really trust. I like her because she's somewhat a "kid" like me which means we probably think the same, and then we know and are friends with the same people. I just hope this does not happen again.

A girl told me today I'm kuripot because I told her I only offer a small amount for the extra services in the massage parlors I've been to. I really didn't wanna explain because I'm getting extra touchy about the topic and it was getting tiring. At first, I felt affronted. Of course, nobody would like to be called cheap. It took me another couple of minutes to think about it, even accept that it's probably true and then a another minute more to realize that I would feel cheaper if I heedlessly go ahead and pay for these things just because I can. And then I thought about her always ASKING and getting progressively annoying (the reason we were talking about it the first place was because she wanted to know and I only indulged her). I don't know-- maybe, she felt it was always OK to ask any-freakin-time that she wanted to, even if the answers are so obvious or even if the question had already been asked. SO now, on top of her questions, she had to put in HER opinion. I would like to say 'the hell I care' but obviously this rant means I do. Anyway, she crossed a line today and I don't think I would like to answer her anymore.

Fuck I-have-a-kwesch'n and shut up.

ballon popping image from here

Puppy Smell

It started with a YM message a day before my restday that asked me if I would be up for a night of gimik with him alone. I am always slow on the uptake and I'd rather not assume so I plainly said yes. I asked him if he wanted to go to the movies, or videoke, or just have diner and then afterward go to whatever watering holes there was available-- we'd surely come across common friends so the night'll never go awkward. I never got an answer which meant he probably logged off. I was busy at work by then and didn't feel the need to ask for more details.

Then a day passed by. At night, I found myself at Rizal Promenade with a close friend of mine from way back and a couple of workmates from another department. I remembered him and I supposed I wanted to test the waters. I sent him an SMS and asked him if he wanted to join.

Despite the heavy downpour that have been Davao's on most of these January nights, he came. We danced a bit at Beeracay amidst the gyrating bodies of Davao's gayest. He smiled, like we were sharing a secret, and warned me about people seeing us but I couldn't exactly care. It was not as if anybody's whipping out something for all of Davao to gawk at. I guess it's safe to say already that I wasn't just assuming.

I stared at his face and knows he's a good guy. He's also fairly smart as far as I can tell. However as he was talking, I caught a whiff of his breath and it told me I wouldn't want to kiss him. It's something Minmin had told me. She called it the puppy smell and described it as like the smell of puppies who normally have bad breath but doesn't bother you at all. It's probably an acquired taste but I completely understood what she meant. The smell is there but you accept it without problem; like it just is. And that's how one allows puppies to lick them to death because although its not the most astringent and cleanest smell, it's just something you get over with fast enough to accept the fact that puppies are limitlessly cute.

So I smelled and couldn't stand it at all. The dance was followed by more interactions that included leaning closer to whisper senseless things in my ear. I'm not even saying it's bad breath (I smoke so I probably smell worse more often than not) but as it is, I wasn't able to find that puppy smell. I thought about it and decided if something as fairly basic like this is not met, then I'd just be fooling myself if I allow something to progress from all this. I sure was stoked someone showed me this kind of interest, even in secret, but at the end of the day, I knew it wouldn't be right to be a cocktease.

Sorry, but I have to pass.

puppy photo from here

Masahista Finder Online

A lot of people have asked me about my articles about massage parlors here in Davao. Now, I'm not exactly the best person to talk about them. While I have definitely something to share about them, I still have some reserve recommending the where and the who especially when the topic veers into the extra part. Again, I have nothing against the "services" but it's just that I'm filled with some kind of self-reproach after I'm done with it. (I suppose this could become a good conversation piece about my sexual repression, my Catholic upbringing, my wishy-washiness or some other personal existential-bullshit but I won't be the first one to broach it.) Point is when I'm telling these is that it happened, I'm just sharing and that's that.

Anyway, while I was busy making our QA station posters and some tarp for the Retention team, my dear friend Avs referred me to an interesting multiply page. Supposedly, this site is the online presence of a small outfit that offers home service massages in Manila, Cebu, Zamboanga and here in Davao. I say interesting because they do pique my interest, especially since their description tells me their masseurs are highly-trained, young, gay-friendly and accommodating. Now, what do they exactly mean with that? Aren't they supposed to be naturally friendly? And they even recommended, "rejuvenate every inch of your body." That sounds perfect but is that even possible and more importantly legal? AH, but there's no really no sense in asking these and wondering what happens behind closed doors with these services. I haven't tried these and I don't think I'll ever but oh well, again, JUST SHARING:

Masahista Finder - Online Massage Service Directory in the Philippines
Multiply mirror here (look here to really see who's available)

And if you can't wait to browse their site, call at local hotlines:
Davao - 082 303-5481 and Cebu - 02 516-3724

Of OFWs and Kisses

Like a small foil pack of Kisses, their funds get snapped up in a matter of seconds by little brown hands. The fruits of their toil, their headaches, wrinkles, their sweat in exchange of a few dollars that get extended life value because it's converted to peso. But no matter if they have to bleed and get tired day in and day out, the greedy dirty hands are always welcome to gobble-finish up-lick clean whatever their money can buy. Because those hands are the reason of their existence, of their being.

The labor of their love and sacrifice that became the silver pyramid Kisses that disappeared in a blink of an eye became ALL THE BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD THAT MONEY CAN'T BUY.

Happy New Year!

As usual, New Year here in Davao is more like a whimper than a bang. We had to be contented with banging our pots and kettle and blaring TVs and stereos and blowing car horns. I know and I understand the reason for the total ban of firecrackers in this part of the world. It's just that there's something in the air of the first second of the year that predisposes one to nostalgia- of things past and of have-beens, like the smell of firecracker smoke as it hung and lingers after the clock struck 12 many years ago.

It doesn't become just about the traditions lost in the memories of my youth but it also becomes a reminder of the bits and pieces of the past year. The more recent events- the small triumphs, the petty heartaches, the 5-second orgasm, the 5-minute fame, the meaningful winks, the fake laughters, the wrinkled foreheads, the soft kisses, the unending process to old age. It sometimes get too acute that it momentarily and painfully burns my heart. It's a good thing that it stops as soon as it starts. The memories tug and threaten to bring tears to my eyes. I fight against the onslaught of emotions because I always want to be strong.

My eyes mist but in the haze of the moment, I suddenly see people in polka dots with me, jumping like crazy with pockets bulging full of coins. My family. Safe, secure and complete. In a complete turnabout, a different feeling washes over me. That of the feeling that is completely in the here and now. I feel gratitude for whatever I see in my immediate surroundings and in a vague way, an enveloping optimism for all the things that composes the world right exactly at that moment.

I felt humbled with the great vastness of it all and the unfathomable mystery that defines now. The first thought about firecrackers completely forgotten and memories of recent events dismissed and with unexplainable clarity, I understood the reason of living, of surviving, of existing. The understanding felt so definite and so sure that I even felt I could explain it although I knew I couldn't. With a welcome sigh, I opened my arms, felt a single pearl of a tear in my cheeks and finally felt it was New Year.