Not Knowing What You Want

And I loved deeper, And I spoke sweeter, And I watched an eagle as it was flyin', And he said some day I hope you get the chance, To live like you were dyin' -Tim McGraw

It's funny when you don't know what you want: you find yourself achieving your short-term plans but feels lost somehow- like what you toiled for a day, or even for a week, isn't worth the hulabaloo. For the past week, I've been staying at the office for an everage of 14 hours a day, attending training while at the same time doing my audits. Fortunately, I was able to achieve my monthly quota. But that's it.

Yesterday I was supposed to go out with some friends, some old and a couple new, to Torres, the land of overflowing booze and madness. It's ironic how a few steps away from all the merriment exists a world that's totally opposite- that of people mourning for their recently deceased loved ones. Well it's actually not ironic if you think it this way: while people lose sleep over the unfortunate fact of one's passing through this temporal life, others lose sleep in a place where one can temporarily forget this temporal life. If you drink enough, you get numb and lose sight of the problems and pressures of your daily life, and only a small concrete wall demarcates the boundaries of these two seemingly different circumstances.

But because I was too tired, I didn't. I slept instead. Of course, the world wouldn't stop revolving and will just move on in response to the insignificance of that last week's drill.

Later on, I may watch a movie (I already did yesterday, after lunch at Ding Hao, and saw Inkheart which was crappy) or go out earlier out of the house to make tambay with friends at Roxas. Or I may again just sleep and rest. Whatever it is, I need to think about why finishing work and achieving my deadlines didn't taste as sweet when I did. I need to because I want to be able to appreciate life and I want to be inspired. I think I need to find a way to, as Tim McGraw sings, "live like you were dying."

Photo taken illegally inside the boardroom.